Monday, December 27, 2010

romantic notions

All things considered, I've experienced some pretty amazing romantic moments this past year. Side-by-side beach front massages in Mexico on my birthday. A day trip to Tofino, complete with a surprise visit from the chocolate bunny on Easter (duh!). Fireworks - and a spontaneous cold shower - on the 9th tee of the Victoria Golf Club on the Fourth of July. An unexpected visitor from afar who showed up just because. They were all magical moments. And at the end of the day, that's really all they were - wonderful, but momentary. 

I'm now gearing up for New Years Eve and what promises to be a truly romantic night celebrating the wedding of K&M and as I started writing the toast to love I've been asked to deliver, I am really aware of 2 things - the vast ground between romance and love, and ... nope ... apparently the second point was the same as the first. 

Romance is an interpretation in the moment - there is no 'romance' in reality, it only occurs in how we experience something. For me to interpret something as romantic, it has to have an aspect of spontaneity and creativity - which really seems like a lot to ask of someone who essentially just wants to spend time with me. Even worse, what's romantic one time (roses on our monthiversary - how sweet!!) soon becomes routine (let me guess ... roses again). Everytime some poor guy scores a romantic point, the bar is reset higher for the next time. 

I remember when Shiney and Mr. Nich first started dating and he bought her a cordless drill for her birthday. She phoned me with such excitement in her voice. It was surprise, yes, but it also showed how much attention he'd been paying, that he knew she'd use it in a way that would make her DIY single mom day. We both agreed at the time that it was the most romantic gift we could think of. But now I can see that really it was a gift of love. A gift of knowing - something that would make a difference for Shiney, that she would love but never spend the money on  for herself, that no matter what others might say or think would be a great present for her. 

And that, in a nutshell, is love. Knowing (and accepting) someone and speaking to that knowing when you interact with them. And letting them know and accept and speak to the real you. 

I expect I will have many more romantic moments in the months and years to come. And they are valuable in their way. But I think I'm finally realising how much more valuable those moments of love are than moments of romance. 

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