Showing posts with label Dedicated. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dedicated. Show all posts

Thursday, October 1, 2015

the good news is, there is no muse

I’ve begun reading Ann Patchett’s This is the Story of a Happy Marriage, and it, more than any other writing or creativity book I’ve read - and there have been many - has me at my computer at 6:30 in the morning committed to “developing the craft so I can master the art” (yes, that’s a rough quote from Patchett). 

This is the first morning of what I intend to have become a habit*, and already I can see it will take some forethought. It will take getting to bed earlier and not reading late into the night. And it will take remembering that in this game, writing every day is more important than a few extra minutes in my warm soft bed. My warm soft robe, on the other hand, is just one more reward for getting up. 

I never think of Ann Patchett when people ask me about my favourite writers, and yet when I look at the list of her novels that I’ve read, I’m struck by how much I enjoyed those stories. Enjoyed is the wrong word. I savoured them. I re-read passages not because I’d missed something but because I wanted to spend more time in that scene; more time with those characters and in that setting. It shines through that she started out to be a poet, learned the skill and craft of story in short stories, and grew into being a novelist. Her skill with language and plot marry beautifully - perhaps even happily. 

While This is the Story of a Happy Marriage might be the worst title ever for a writing book (from a marketing stand-point), it’s still a great book. And I’ve only read the introduction and the first few chapters. Oh, and the version I am reading happens to be large print. That’s the version that was in the bag of books my parents lent me last spring, so that’s the version I have. It turns out a large print book is about what I need right now. Ha. At least early in the morning on the bus in a day that has not quite burst into full bloom the large print makes a difference. Of course, I’d sort of rather that no one on the bus notice that I’m reading a large print book, but … what does that really matter? 

This is the Story of a Happy Marriage makes me want to call in sick, brew a big pot of tea, and curl up on my couch all day. I guess I can do that Saturday. It’s also clearly the kind of book that makes me want to get up and write, which is not something that has seemed like a good idea for the last several months. Patchett makes really clear in her first couple essays that she practised her craft. She actively learned it. She sought teachers she admired and trusted and respected, read from them, and worked with them. She doesn’t espouse getting an MFA or doing a summer writing workshop (although she’s done both and then some) so much as getting down to it. Being disciplined. Doing the work.

Patchett’s entree into writing was freelancing for magazines. Some pretty big magazines. She got to be a go-to writer for GQ and the New York Times Magazine and others. Eventually she traveled on their dime. She conducted research for her novels on their dime (during her research Bel Canto, which is about opera singers, except it isn't, she was sent by Gourmet magazine to tour the great opera houses of Italy - they got a great travel series out of it, and she got familiar with the life of modern opera). 

Patchett undeniably has talent. Perhaps she had a little luck. But more than anything what she had was productivity and willingness. She was no ‘artiste.’ She took what assignments she was given and made them into something. She did not protect her darlings but willingly cut words and sentences and paragraphs to make the article work for the editors. Yes, eventually she was able to stop that life. 

She has long since become a prolific and respected enough author to focus full time on writing novels, and she still approaches it, according to her essays, as a job. As something you get up and do every day because that’s the career you choose, not because the whimsical whispers of the muse are stirring. She has never had writer’s block, mostly because she doesn’t believe in it. She believes in procrastination, and that writer’s block is mostly just a form of mental procrastination. To anyone who has suffered greatly from the ‘affliction’ I imagine that could be an affront, but maybe she’s on to something. Maybe the solution to writer’s block is simply to write. 

That’s what has inspired me from Patchett’s story of her writing career. Nobody can predict when a muse will strike, but everyone who wants to call themselves a writer can get up a half-hour early, sit at the computer, and plunk out words from whatever is around them. This morning I happen to have a subject on my mind, and when I don’t, I’ll look at a photo on the wall and describe what’s outside the frame. Or I’ll see a colouring sheet (we’re into ‘adult colouring’ at my house right now) and share the story it is telling. Or I’ll look at one of the antiques in the room and tell a story from when it was new. Inspiration, it seems, is not in the wind. It is everywhere around us if we’re willing to see it. 

As I sit in the living room nearing the end of my first 30 minute session, I’m thinking ‘30 minutes - that wasn’t very long.’ No, not the first morning it wasn’t. Not while my sails are full with Patchett’s admonitions. But what about in two weeks. What about when I’m tired, or ill, and it’s cold in here, and I DON’T WANT TO. 

Well, I hope that in those morning when the alarm goes I’ll give myself a talking too, shrug into my soft warm robe, and get myself back in front of the glow of the computer screen with its blinking cursor. Because I am a writer, dammit, and writers write. And now I’m just stalling because if there’s one writing habit I’ve trained myself in, it’s writing things in blog-post length and I write that in under 30 minutes. But there is still one minute on the clock and I am not going to cheat myself of 60 seconds of writing time this first morning out. 

*No, I don't intend to post every morning's ramblings - I just thought that posting this one would add another layer of accountability. :) 

Sunday, March 3, 2013

relaxation

Ahh, the satisfaction of completing a major commitment. Maybe it doesn’t seem like much in the grand scheme of things, but today is my 100th straight day of blogging at least 100 words per days. Some days I wrote longer. Some days I also blogged at The Mountain Bike Life. Some days I also wrote on my work blog.

It was an interesting exercise, and I’m pleased to be done. Not that I don’t have more to say, but 100 days was the target, and now I can stick to blogging on days when I have something to say. I wish I could say that every post was a winner, but that’s just not true – when the target is commitment is to write fresh every day, it can’t always be awesome. From here on, the quality should be higher. We’ll see.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

misunderstanding

I was going to take a break from the prompts today and just write, but then I saw this prompt in the list and did a little shuffling so I can stay on track and also say what there is to say.

Twice this week something I blogged upset people in my life who matter to me. They were, of course, misunderstandings. There is no way that I would ever purposefully write – and publish – something hurtful, and I would have thought that people who know me would know that. That they don’t know that is another issue. And yet, there it was – misunderstanding that ended up hurting people twice in one week. So I did something last night that I have never done in 11 years of blogging – I deleted a post.

I blog as a writing exercise and as an outlet. For me the blog is a place where I connect with other writers, breathe on that flickering ember of writer alive in me, and work out some of the darker spots of life that somehow get clearer when typed out in black and white.

Sometimes I write from my life; sometimes I riff on a theme or a word; sometimes I review books because what I read is as important to my writing as what I write. Always, I blog from my own perspective and my own experience about myself.

My blog matters to me only in so far as I can write whatever there is for me to right without censoring myself. I promise to write responsibly, and I insist on writing honestly. 

Sunday, December 5, 2010

D - Dedicated

When I think dedication and advent the obvious connection to me and likely other Christians is Christ coming to earth as a baby, giving up His Godhood knowing that eventually his life as a man would meet a brutal, humiliating painful end. I also think of Mary being willing to carry and raise the son of God. Or Joseph honouring his commitment to Mary and raising the son of God with her. I don't know that I ever really understood all of what the Christmas story meant until I heard this beautiful song:

That's what I mostly think of. But I also think of my friend Christina, who every year for the past 20 has created a magical Christmas feast for the people of Victoria who wouldn't otherwise have one. Please check out Christina's blog and find out what you can do to help her give.

I think of the doctors, nurses, orderlies, paramedics, police officers and fire fighters who know that part of the job is not being with their families on so many of the important days including Christmas. The emergency workers at the shelters who will be on call and on site making it safe for clients to smile, and

And I think of all the parents who make a budget that doesn't quite stretch at the best of times reach all the way around the stockings and the treats and the presents and decorations in order to teach their children about magic. 

So to all of you - who do a little more at Christmas so we can all experience a little more magic, God Bless You Everyone.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Standing

I heard this song recently on my online radio station. It spoke to me, but at the time I didn't know why, really. And now, here it is is. And here am I, with nothing left to do but Stand. No, things are not as bad as all that, and I'm definitely not all alone. But I've done all I can. And here I Stand.

Stand.

Tell me, what do you do
When you've done all you can do
And if seems like it's never enough

Tell me what do you say
When your friends turn away
And you're all alone, so alone

Tell me, what do you give
When you've given your all and
Seems like you can't make it through

Well, you just stand
When there's nothing left to do

You just stand
Watch the Lord see you through

Yes, after you've done all you can
You just stand

Tell me, how do you handle
The guilt of your past
Tell me, how do you deal with the shame
Tell me how can you smile
When your heart has been broken and filled with pain

And don't you dare give up
You go through the storm, (stand)
And through the rain, (stand)
You stand through the hurt, (stand)
And through the pain, (you just)

Hold on (stand)
And don't give up
Hold on (stand)
And don't you dare give in (you just)
Stand

Said you just stand (you just)
After you've done all you can
After you've prayed and cried, cried and prayed
All through the night

After you plant your feet
Squared your shoulders
Hold your head up, and wait on Him
He's gonna come through, yes He will

After you've done all you can
You just stand

(Sorry - the only video I can find is from *gag* Oprah and has sketchy audio, but you can listen/view here).

Sunday, September 13, 2009

THWARTED!!

So, after just 2 days, the 14 day "I'm Hot" Bikram Yoga challenge has hit a snag. I carefully checked the Bikram Saanich schedule; planned my weekend around it; enrolled BB2 & his mifole in coming with me tonight; packed 6 towels (2 each), 3 waterbottles, and some change just in case; headed out in plenty of time to get good spots since it's free weekend at the studio; and arrived only to be told "oh, we decided to cancel the last class today."

Several WTFs later, we piled mat, towels, bags & teens back in the car and headed to the downtown studio just in case they had a 7:30 or 7:45 class. No such luck.

We're back home. And I'm truly disappointed. It had been an up and down day already, and I was looking forward to sweating out some of the upset and going to bed physically drained and mentally clear.

I know that the integrity of my challenge still exists, since I did everything I knew to do to keep my commitment. But I'm still disappointed. I was really looking forward to saying I'd gone every day for 14 days, and now I'm going to restart.

Sometimes it doesn't matter what you want or what you're committed to ... it just doesn't go that way. And that thought just about makes me cry.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

*sigh*

It's Tuesday, which lately means weigh in day. Last week I was down half a pound. Just one measly half a pound despite walking and obsessively tracking my calories, and even though I knew my calorie intake wasn't balanced (wherefor art thou, protein?) I was still under. And I only lost one measly half a pound. Given the percentages, half a pound is pretty much equivalent to no loss at all. But that was last week.

This week, I gained a pound. Gained. Yes, I had been less careful about my tracking on Live Strong, and yes I've been so tired and worn out that I've indulged in eating junk. But I still tracked, up until Sunday, and I was still under my allowable calories, even on the days when ALL I ate was junk. So I'm somewhat frustrated ...

Cowboy and I like to be active. We like to adventure. And there are few sports/activities that we don't enjoy (including my first time indoor climbing last week! SO FUN!!), and I really want a body that I feel confident will allow me to keep actively adventuring through life. Besides which, I'm really committed to arriving in Mexico in January 30.4 pounds lighter (thus the beach bod tracker on the left)!





I want to live a balanced, healthy life, which to me includes eating the foods I love sometimes, and not having my whole day wrapped around fat/calories/sodium/sugar. I want to LIVE, and obsession and denial do not occur to me like really living.

Last Fall/Winter I was completely at peace with my body. I felt great about how I looked, I was confident and I almost never worried about what I ate or felt like I needed to force myself to exercise. And in that state of relaxation & focus on other aspects of life I lost 15 pounds ... I didn't work it off, it just disappeared.

Interestingly, I came upon a magazine article last week that explains the psychology/science behind what, for me, had been an inexplicable loss. Somewhere in between paying attention to how I treat my body and relaxing and enjoying it for what it is is the magic for a long, happy, active life. I just hope I can find that sweet spot again.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Discover and Support What BB1 Wants

My lovely oldest son is at a key transition. He's 19, working, living at home, and wondering what's next. He may know what he wants, but I'm not really clear. And since I don't know what he's creating I am not sure how to support him.

So, here's how I'm going to get clear:
  • spend one-on-one time and ASK Josh what he wants

Really, I can't be sure what actions there are beyond that, so I'm going to have to start there and see what develops. :)

Return to Teaching

I used to teach Academic Writing and Business Communications at Camosun College and Royal Roads University. I miss teaching. It's a true self-expression for me, and it is only a bit of past that has kept me out of the classroom. I'm committed to getting back in there!

The journey to the front of the class includes:
  • cleaning up with the Associate Dean of Arts & Sciences at Camosun
  • cleaning up with the FoM Communication coordinator @ RRU
  • calling the Chair of English at Camosun
  • researching various appropriate courses (e.g. Adult Ed, Continuing Ed)
  • develop SCW Ink courses to offer via community organizations

BB2 Finds a Job

My son is committed to finding a part-time job, and I'm committed to be in action supporting him.

Actions to take include:
  • spread the word that he's looking to people I know
  • help him keep his resume up-to-date
  • print impeccable copies of his resume as requested
  • drive him to the places he'd like to apply to
  • be the co-pilot - back off and let it be his journey that I just help him navigate

Living a Life I Love

*NOTE: September 8, 2009* I've just imported this and about 17 other posts from an older blog that was private - basically I wanted a support system for creating the things I really want in my life. Only only letting a few people know what I wanted didn't work. So here they are, in all their glory, edited to reflect what I REALLY want.*

This blog is my way of sharing about my promises to myself on the journey of creating a life I love. There are specific things I am committed to creating in my own life, and I'll be tracking my progress towards those goals here.

The basic element of a structure for fulfillment is really a journey: I am at A and want to get to B. The structure outlines the various ways in which I can get from A to B. You know you have a great structure for fulfillment when it is fun & inspiring & when you can see multiple avenues that would have you get where you want to go. So where do I want to go?
  • Lose 37 pounds
  • Support BB2 in getting a job
  • Double SCW Ink income
  • Return to teaching
  • Be lit up about my relationship (a.k.a. Love the one I'm with)
  • Discover & support whatever BB1 wants
  • Publish one item every month
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...