"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin
Two years ago as I approached the ripe old age of forty more than one woman who had gone before me told me how freeing passing 40 is, how you come into your own as a woman, how it is accompanied by a sense of knowing yourself and your power. They were right - the woman I am in my 40s has a much stronger sense of what matters, a new ability to say yes and mean it, and to say no and mean it. I have the feeling that at long last the bud has taken the risk to blossom.
One way that has shown up this Christmas is in letting go of how things should be. Last year Cowboy and I gave the BBs netbook computers. This year there is no Cowboy and they will get something small. Something heartfelt. Something that says, from me to them, I know you, I cherish you, I want you to have the life of your dreams. I have not done one butter pat of baking. No shortbread. No rosettes. No chocolate coated anything. I don't have a tree. I'm not getting presents for my sisters and brother in laws and nieces and nephews over the age of 2.
And it's perfect. This is the Christmas that this year calls for. It's not been an easy year; it's been an unfurling year. And this is not an over-the-top Christmas. This is a peaceful Christmas. A Christmas for connecting and blossoming.