It's a funky little rhythm, entertaining, though not entirely efficient - 2 steps forward, about turn, 1 step back.
I haven't blogged much since ending the Advent Alphabet because I had thought that it's about time I turn my blog into something ... more. That I develop a theme, some consistency, something bigger than my angsty sporatic navel-gazing. I had ten days off in which to come up with something, and here I am with the same blog and the same me writing it. I have some ideas for other projects, but all I could think of for this one was to shut it down. And I'm not quite ready for that either.
For the record, the wedding on New Years Eve was amazing. I had a fantastic time with people I love. Yes, I was lonely - full on non-stop romance will do that to a girl. But I was also happy and acknowledged and having fun. I don't know when I've cried as much. But I also don't know when I've laughed so much or been so loved.
Since then there's been a chirping at the back of my mind, a little squeaky voice I can't quite make out, that is reminding me that I am not done until I get the lesson. And I haven't yet. There are several things I can pretend the lesson is, but nothing that makes me want to yell EUREKA!
CinderRita, Miss Lady and some of our other friends have recently taken on saying 'Hell Yeah' to life. I was resisting it until I read something that said that 'Hell No' is just as powerful. It gave me permission to say both/either as appropriate, to be clear in my choices instead of just seeing what happens.
But I seem to be racking up more Hell No's in the days since then. And that's not really the point I'm quite sure.
Anyway. I just thought I'd send a little post out into the world before I head to bed. There are some conversations for me to have tomorrow - some I meant to have last week, and some that just came up, but all that will shed some more light on my crackle-finished heart. Who knows - one of these days I might even learn a two-step.
|This pendant is from the Etsy store 'Wickedly Good'|
feel free to order it for my birthday. ;-)