being present ... moving forward

Alive-est by Sam Davidson (Trust 30 Prompt 19)

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind. If we follow the truth, it will bring us out safe at last. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

• When did you feel most alive recently? Where were you? What did you smell? What sights and sounds did you experience? Capture that moment on paper and recall that feeling. Then, when it’s time to create something, read your own words to reclaim a sense of being to motivate you to complete a task at hand.

Interesting. I just had an intensely alive weekend. I'm still processing some of it, grateful for all of it, and wondering what to make of some of it. I knew I wouldn't be able to blog for a few days, and instead took notes, tried to be present and aware, and took advantage of being offline to be with who I was with and where I was at. 

That in itself was enlivening - being with the other riders on the bus and having interesting, odd and funny conversations. Feeling the heat and massaging jets of our hotel soaker tub. Tasting a crisp dry cider in the sunshine. Smelling the fresh green of the corn fields in Delta. Seeing the wear and growth in BB2's eyes as he adjusts to the freedoms and responsibilities of his new life. 

One of the moments that most stands out for me was the small shock and happy recognition that there's been a state change between BB2 and 1 - we've moved up a generation. He tried to help pay for dinner  Friday and I refused - it's a dance my dad and I have done for years, with me always slightly terrified he'd accept my offer. Then when BB2, Sweetie and I got to their new apartment, they slept on the floor and gave me their bed. It all felt so familiar ... and so foreign. A page has turned. 

Sunday STG took me for my first mountain bike ride. OHMYGOSH! OHMYGOSH! OHMYGOSH! It wasn't a long ride. Or a tough one. But it was perfectly appropriate for my utter beginner-state. I felt so free and challenged and so taken care of at the same time. STG is a GREAT teacher - patient and encouraging and fun. And the feeling of flying (at least for me, the brakes might tell a different story) down the couple small hills, the mixture of fear and exhilaration reflective in the combined curse words and smile on my lips. 

I really truly lived this weekend, all in ways that honoured who I am and what I want in my life. It's an amazing feeling. Something I'm looking forward to more and more of.