Tuesday, September 13, 2011

removing the wall

So I've started work on a new offline project, and even though it's offline, and I'm not even deciding what shape it's going to take until I get the words out, it seems I can't stop censoring myself.

The document I'm drafting it in is password protected. No one has access to this computer but BB1 and I, and he can't access the file. Yet I can't stop censoring myself. I know what I want to say ... and I know it wants to be said ... but something keeps getting in the way.

Even when I was talking about the project with Dive Moe I was more open than I'm being in my writing. It's frustrating, really. There's no point in writing my story if I can't even admit the truths to myself. It's like my default way of communicating has become ... filtered.

Then again - there's no deadline. I can write what I can write today. And tomorrow I can peel back another layer. Maybe that'll work. Maybe step by step I'll remove the dam.

I know this isn't much of a post. I just wanted to tell y'all what's up.


  1. Bear has some wonderful things to address this with...I will try to tell you what she said. Identify the emotion that is blocking you. Shame is usually someone else's thing that's been laid on you that when looked at isn't worth feeling ashamed about. You don't have to own it. If it is fear look at what is causing the fear and you can usually see that there is no basis as again it was someone else's thing!
    She has a good exercise if fear is the issue. If it is a personal transgression, well we all have got those! They are good for a laugh when you get older! Lol So keep us posted! Bobbi and Bear

  2. Definitely fear ... lots and lots of fear ... and some guilt. Every day it's getting quieter though and there's more sunshine.


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