Tuesday, February 26, 2013

give up

So, I wrote a really lame blog post about Winston Churchill and shaky jowls and never giving up. It was 100% unadulterated cop out. Giving up is just such a non-option that it’s not even really worth writing about. I’m just scared is all. So then I spent about an hour avoiding writing and playing with the face recognition feature on my photo software. Guess I'll start again ... 

It’s kind of hard to look back and see how great and glowing and healthy I looked just two years ago, and to see how tired and bloated and not that I look now. For one picture of me the facial recognition actually suggested an acquaintance who is morbidly obese. Thanks, Picasaa. This after I walked into a consignment store this evening only to have the store clerk inform me, loudly, that "Larges and Extra Larges are along the back wall." What. The. Hell? That's how you greet customers? I'm pretty sure I could have read the huge signs. And, so much for your chances of selling me the bag I came in to look at. Also, I won't be back. Who needs that?

Anyway. Deflection. For a while there the camera loved me, and I know that there’s no way to go back and that it's super shallow. And, I know it's not that big a deal to lose weight again, but for some reason I’m afraid that going forward, for some reason, won’t be as good.

People don’t generally get better at my age. I just - I feel like life went young young young young young young NOT YOUNG. There was no warning. Nobody is ever surprised anymore when I say I have adult sons, or when they figure out my age, which all of a sudden I don't want to admit to. And that's a hard part of my identity to let go of. I can do pudgy - I know pudgy. I'm just not sure I can do pudgy and old. Maybe there's something to let go of, while I'm keeping on keeping on.

2010 - I ask you, does that woman look 42 to you? 


  1. "For a while there the camera loved me"
    The camera knows us so well - when we love ourselves it tends to show. I can't remember the last time I looked a photo of me and thought ya, that is the me I know. Like you, I enjoy it when people can't believe how old I am or that I have grown up children. A coupld of people lately have asked me if I'm retired yet!! I laugh it off "I wish", "wouldn't that be nice", "I have a few years yet". Aging is inevitible...doing it with grace is apparently going to be a bit of life lesson....again. Maybe the trick is to start saying we're 60? Keep on smiling sis - its your saving grace.

    1. Ya. I guess those good genes of ours can only do so much of the work - we might actually have to do some ourselves. :)

      I think I'd take the age questions even harder than being asked when my baby is due - lol. It's all in perspective.


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