illusion

It’s a little known un-secret that back in grad school I enjoyed critical theory – and the broad strokes of philosophy – nearly as much as I did the literature it helped illuminate. 

Today I couldn’t tell you any more than a meme’s worth of info about the differences between Foucault and Derrida, or whether French existentialism is or is not more understandable than British idealism. I dabbled, I did not swim in the deep waters.

But what I do remember, what sticks with me and helps me make sense of a world that so frequently appears inscrutable, is that sometimes what we think is really isn’t. Life is full of illusion – subject to whims and fancies and butterflies fluttering wings on the other side of the world. 

Cause and effect. Interpretation. Reality. They only exist when we say they do, and even then only in fun house mirrors.

what if

... love is enough
... forgiveness was offered before it was requested
... silence wasn’t mistaken for acquiescence
... actions – and interactions – were motivated by love rather than righteousness
... we asked more often than we assumed
... everything that is is perfect the way it is
... chocolate really did make things better
... we stopped judging each other’s character by our pant size
... people were truly responsible for their actions and their inactions
... people said what the meant and did what they said
... I could get paid to sit at home in my jammies and read novels
... we talked to rather than about each other

standing still

There’s a difference between standing still and standing my ground. I’ve been doing the first for too long – cemented in place by fear that any step I took would only make things worse. But, this year I’ll be moving forward and letting go. Culling the dead weight of the past, of friendships that aren’t, and dreams that withered on the vine. And I’ll be creating new dreams. Learning new skills. Taking old gifts to new heights. And cherishing the many great friends that are.

Standing my ground might challenge me a little. I might have to set some boundaries that have been missing. I’ve got my fingers crossed that learning to set, and then respect, boundaries will open up something brand new for me. Here’s hoping.

solitude

New Year's Day. Time to start looking forward after 40 posts looking back. Last year held its share of solitude, even in the midst of friends and family. When I’m depressed, I often get to a place where I feel the need to un-people for a while, partly for my own good and partly for theirs.

But it’s a new year now. A year to rebuild. A year to shake off the darkness. It’s time for more, and less. A time for more of what nourishes me – foods, activities, people – and less of what drains me.

It’s time to relax. Time to enjoy. Time to focus on the oh-so-much-good that I don’t ever experience a lack. Time to move, and make music, and savour. And, every now and then, still a little time for solitude, of the less isolating kind. Soft. Gentle. Happy. Healthy. 

2013

Be soft.
Do not let the world make you hard. 
Do not let the pain make you hate. 
Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. 
Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, 
you still believe it to be a beautiful place. 
Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

I have not read a lot of Kurt Vonnegut Jr's writing, and so I have to take it on faith that the people of the Internet are correct that he wrote this. Whoever the author, this is my only resolution for 2013.

Happy New Year.