After a busy busy week I chilled out for a bit last night unwinding in front of the TV. It turns out there's not much on Friday evenings about 9, so I ended up watching a bit of Oprah. *shudder* They were revisiting some of her 'most memorable' couples from over the years: an over the top harpy who couldn't stand a thing her husband said or did. A cretin who felt justified cheating on his wife because she'd gained weight having his three kids. And a guy who was so determined to get married by a certain date that he had put ads out, had his friends interview women, and married a stranger at the Mall of America.
What was craziest about all of this though, we that the last couple - the ones who had been strangers when they married, are still married 12 years later, have four lovely children and self-report being happy. When the Oprah minions asked their secret, he responded, we have agreed to be happy and to have this work, whatever it takes.
I can't stop thinking how easy that could be - to make the choice to be happy and have a relationship work because you said you would - and that the real insanity is how often we choose not to. And by we I pretty much just mean I. What's crazy is that I think I can have my life work the way I want OR I can have a relationship. Or that I think my life is this pile of activities and connections over here, and a relationship would be somehow distinct. And I'm only putting all this out there because I KNOW some of you think the same crazy things. You've told me. And I was crazy enough to agree.
I have passionately agreed with the couple who decide to make their marriage work.
ReplyDeleteLove is a decision. Life is a choice.
It's good to find someone you respect but beyond that it's a full time job to make a relationship work and be what you want it to be.
I think of the Suri's in PG and how they were married as strangers and were kind and respectful to each other and have made a lovely family relationship. Funny thing, he has never told her he loves her, I think I would miss that!!