Friday, May 25, 2012

write on edge: green

She'd never have chosen these mossy green walls - not in a million paint chips. And yet, now that she was experiencing them, she wouldn't change them for all the blue in the sea.

The oak trees shimmer outside the wide window - their new leaves joyously soaking in the sun, softening its eventual arrival. She laughs watching the dappled shadows on the walls and floor, appreciating the darkness as well as the light.

What stories these worn oak floors could tell. The aging boards so related to and yet distant from the young leaves outside. Their warm yellow glow balancing the calm green. Their firmness contrasting the tender spring growth.

She stretches across the island of the bed, crisp cotton quickly warming under her. She glances at books stacked on the nightstand, at pictures meandering the desktop, at her jewelry box with that one necklace that always pokes out.

Oh sweet sanctuary, she sighs. And her heavy eyes nod, the walls absorb the realities of her life. The heavy metal door, locked from the outside, dissolves. And for those few moments she is free.
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Write On Edge prompt:

The prompt for this week is to use setting to deepen the development of your story ... You have 250 words, so make them count!

12 comments:

  1. Oh this was wonderfully pensive. I love the magic behind the everyday objects, allowing her a freedom like a canary in her gilded cage. Applause!

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    1. Oh, thank you Shelton! You leave the most lyrical comments!

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  2. The heavy metal door has me intrigued. I love all of the items you described that made the space feel like home.

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  3. Thanks, Stacey - me too - the door came out of no where, so I thought I'd run with it.

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  4. Oooh, I just saw your comment that the door came out of nowhere, and I have to say I love when that happens in writing. You do a beautiful job capturing a sense of peace and contentment that makes the locked door even more compelling.

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  5. I love the relationship here between the floor and the tree outside—wonderful.

    And I'm puzzling over the metal door, locked from the outside. Such a contrast.

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    1. Hi Cam - me too - I added it a the last minute and am now working to incorporate it more fully into the story. I have to admit, I like where it's going.

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  6. Wow, great job. Loved the comparison between the trees and the floor. And the ending, the reveal of what's really going on just painted an amazing scene in my head.

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  7. Hmm. This is an intriguing and puzzling piece. I'd love to know more. Two minor suggestions to consider - in the first paragraph maybe clarify the tense by changing "has experienced them" to "is experiencing them". The other is tweaking "her jewelry box with always that one necklace poking out." to read "her jewelry box with that one necklace always poking out." To me at least, these two minor changes would smooth out the two spots that snagged me a little. Overall well done, and, as I said, I am intrigued and hope you keep writing more about this!

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    1. Oh great catches! Thanks so much for the feedback - I will go sand those rough spots. :) I haven't worked on this story for a while and the door has given me a bunch of new ideas - will definitely be sharing more.

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