After 12 years of blogging, I feel like maybe I'm done. I think about it a lot and have many ideas, but I swallow the words down before they get out into the world. It's not just content that been holding me back - it's the bigger picture:
- If I'm going to keep calling myself a writer, I need to write elsewhere, not spend my writing currency on a meaningless blog. I need a structure and a plan and the space and time and energy to give to it.
- What would I have to change in my life to have the energy and juice to really start writing again?
- My blog as it currently exists is narcissistic - no one is interested in my writings about me - I need to find a niche
- A blog can't be all book reviews, yet the personal stuff is ... done, unsafe, uninteresting
- Should I just shut it down? Should I relaunch as something more focused? What could I write about that would actually keep me interested, not to mention feed an audience something nourishing?
|I'm not the only navel gazer out there.|
There are 13 draft posts sitting waiting in the background for completion. Several of them are book reviews, some are just the beginning of ideas, a couple are drafted but don't seem like the good idea they were when I wrote them. Every couple days I'll think of something I want to say, then change my mind. The statements are things I should be saying to people in my life; the questions are ones only I can answer. Nothing's wrong, per se, but things don't fit right.
And ... I'm exhausted. Bone tired. Worn out to the core. I think constantly about running away - about reading in front of a fireplace with a dog curled at my feet, about hours and days and weeks of quiet and comfort and space. I am taking a beach vacation in three weeks - 7 all-inclusive sandy, sunny, relaxing days with my sister and our parents. Already I think it won't be enough, but it is what I can afford in time and money.
Maybe it's the time of year. Maybe it's the time of life.