Seriously . . . I'm Kidding: a book club review

Oh, expectations, you ruin things every time. I have really enjoyed The Ellen Show the few times I've caught it; I think her stand up was hilarious, and I expected to enjoy her book to the same degree. I have to say though, when it comes to Seriously . . . I'm Kidding, Ellen Degeneres is seriously 'meh.'

Actually, it's worse than that. Ellen wasted my time. She missed an opportunity to really say something. I know she has things to say, but this whole things struck me as wimpy. Even when she broached on a potentially meaningful topic, for example being a 51 year old lesbian Cover Girl, she would go for the cheap joke that erased any hint of social commentary or personal insight.

That's not to say that there weren't funny moments. There definitely were - times I actually laughed out loud. That's no measure of anything though; given the right set up or enough wine, I'll laugh at almost anything (too much wine and I'll cry at almost anything, but let's not go there). My overwhelming impression was the old 'enough about me - what do you think of me?'

I'm learning that I don't enjoy disjointed books with super short chapters that don't relate to each other. Especially when every one seems as though it should end with Fozzie Bear saying 'wocka wocka wocka.' I also think this book was a lame cash grab. There are chapters that are literally one or two sentence 'zingers' with no zing - her three-book contract must include page number minimums, or she has stocks in Weyerhauser.  I also wonder why I paid $16.50 (+ tax) to read approximately a bazillion advertisements for The Ellen Show. You're doing okay, Ellen, you don't need to alienate your readers. 

I like Ellen - I really do. I think she can be charming & entertaining in a very un-celebrity way (yes, that is a compliment). I wouldn't classify myself as a fan, but I enjoy her well enough. It might be that the audio book would be an improvement as you'd hear her cadence and delivery. That might be true, but since I am still old/fashioned enough to enjoy the feel & smell & experience of a printed book, I can't vouch for that. Read as it's written, this book just falls flat.

Image links to Amazon Associate page

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Well, this was a first. Seven out of seven attendees at book club, and one write in vote, didn't like and wouldn't recommend this book. I think even Jennifer Weiner did better than 0 for 8, or at least if we didn't like her book there was some suggestion of it not being a total waste of time and it inspired deep conversation. Ellen's book didn't even offer that.

What is never a waste of time is getting together with the ladies. Being invited into each other's homes (in this case a very spacious and charming condo building meeting room with furnishings and red shag carpet right out of the 70's, but spotless. I really should have taken a picture). Chicken cacciatore, wine, squash, angel food cake (or a gluten-free coconut nanaimo bar - YUM!) with strawberries and whip cream. Babies, laughter, sharing, updates, Erin Long. What more could a book club want? If the occasional book is a dud, at least we still have dessert and wine!

opportunity

This thought has been reverberating in my head since I heard Dr. Henry Cloud say it at a leadership event last week: 

Ever since I decided/claimed/noticed/decried a couple years ago that I don't have an all consuming passion I've lived as though that means I don't have any passions at all. That's simply not true, but it has been a handy cop-out for not actively engaging in the things I am passionate about.

Yes, I have had a few other things to tend to in the meantime. Yes, life has a way of washing right over you if you don't set up some break-waters and sometimes all you can do is cling to a buoy (or in this particular case a boy). But eventually, you need to give your head a shake and get back to swimming.

And now that that metaphor is suitably exhausted, here is a random (in order and inclusion) sampling of the things about which I am passionate: 

• my family
• creating, seeing, recording, consuming things of beauty and interest
• word wrangling and devouring the wranglings of other word wranglers
• teaching others the power of their words
• travel
• trying new things

Clearly lack of passion is not an issue. As for item the second, ability, well I'm no Jill-of-all-trades but I've got some skills here and there - I'm pretty good with the words and stuff, and with telling people how to do things that I know how to do. I'm sure that if I sat down and did an inventory, I'd come up with a longer list - some things I love doing, and some things I know how to do but don'es necessarily want to.

So I have passions. And I have abilities. I suppose what has been missing of late is combining my passions & abilities to meet a need. I suspect that when a recipe is this simple, any single missing ingredient changes the outcome.

So ... I had a lot more I was going to say. Stuff about how a Venn diagram that showed my passions in one circle and how I spend my time in another circle would closely resemble a drawing of the earth and the moon, and how I'd like to change that. Some people have a passion project. I think, for the next while, passion is my project. Ya, I think it's time to step away from the couch and get into some passion action. 

Daring Greatly: a book club review

From the top, this was a tough one. I was glad that Brené Brown's Daring Greatly was chosen for our book club retreat read as I was fairly sure from the get go that we'd need time and space for the conversation. That proved true, though maybe only because so many of us expected it to be that way. In truth, I don't know that I've ever finished a personal development book - I find them both dull and confronting - but the added impetus of book club was a good motivation. Brene Brown's work has been increasingly popular, particularly since her TED talk on vulnerability. I haven't watched that, but was intrigued enough to look forward to the book.

There's a lot to Daring Greatly - life, love, leadership and parenting looked at through a lens of vulnerability and courage. The link between vulnerability and courage, and important work of letting others in and connecting - of allowing love. The murderous power of shame and the power of vulnerability to weaken its power. It's all powerful stuff, and, if you're someone who has done a pretty good job of not needing people, it's not all that easy to take in. Shame requires us to keep people at bay. Vulnerability is the antidote to shame. It can be a bit vicious ... and damn freeing. I don't really feel I can give a clear review of the book as everyone will get something different from it - probably exactly what they need.

My big take-away from reading Daring Greatly was the encouragement to 'dare' to be the adult I want my sons to be. The funny thing is, I often want to be more like them - to have J's big-heartedness and courage and N's humour and honesty. Yes, there are lessons they can still/will always learn from me, but the lessons I learn from them are pretty amazing. To be honest, I got to the parenting chapter, which happens to be the last chapter, and stopped. My sons are adults and I've already screwed up - there's no changing that now, I thought. 

And then I got talking with my book club ladies, and was encouraged to read on (not to mention good girls don't show up at book club without finishing the book ;-)  and there on the second page of the chapter Brown says "Now, if you are the parent of adult children and you're thinking that it's too late..." I may have laughed out loud. Or I may have shuddered at her prescience. I'm not entirely sure, but I read on. 

It's never too late to apologize for when I used shame in parenting instead of correction. It's never too late to apologize for the role I had in my sons not feeling they are worthy of love and belonging. And, it's never too late to begin modelling whole-hearted living - being someone who is working towards always remembering that I am worthy of love and belonging. It's not too late to let people in, to shine light on my shame, to ask for what I want, to be honest with those I love and with those who love me. It's not too late.

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If every weekend could be book club retreat weekend, what a happy life this would be. We booked two two-bedroom cottages at Beach Acres resort in Parksville, BC, which is the perfect balance of peaceful, fun, comforting and special to make a get-away a retreat. 

While not everyone in the club was able to make it, there were enough of us to keep it fun without being overwhelming. A loose schedule, room to roam, late talks, a trip to the spa, endless tapas, endless wine, open hearts. It's only been 9 months, and I can't imagine not sharing my life with these amazing women. 

Jazz hands make good-bye so much easier. 

courage

Courage is one of those loaded words that everyone reacts to but no one really comprehends. Or maybe that's just me. I am ashamed at the degree to which I've stayed small and comfortable. On the other hand, I don't think courage is big and bold and loud. I think courage is sitting with someone in their grief. It's being honest with those you know you're going to disappoint. Courage is not just loving; courage is letting someone love you. Courage is letting go, when it isn't hanging on.

(Book club ladies - don't read this until Sunday)

I'm anxiously awaiting my super awesome book club retreat this weekend, and struggling to read Brené Brown's Daring Greatly. When you're confronted reading a book that is about being both vulnerable and courageous, it's kind of hard to feel like you're being very brave. I was going to just blindly push through, but this prompt made that untenable. But maybe just keeping on reading (even though I invariably fall asleep) will be that small step that reverberates like a roaring lion.

wild

It's an image anyone who has been around a while has seen a number of times - the author as a young girl, windswept, safe against the mountain air in a vibrant pink sweater, eyes closed, golden skinned, a beatific smile upon her face.

She's an image that calls to me. She's a touchstone of who I am or, at the least, of who I was at one point and would like to be again. The image captures both a moment in time, and a way of being. I gauge my life by how far away that girl seems to me - by how tightly wound my hair is, how tired my skin, how missing that dimpled smile.

There is freedom in that girl. A sense of both adventure and security that I feel neither of in recent days. Life has somehow been tamed, shrunken, and made less comfortable. I crave the mountain top, the wind-swept, the wild.

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I have come very late to Kat McNally's wonderful Spring mind cleanse, April Moon.

I may not have time to catch up on all the prompts, but appreciate the opportunity to reflect each day on Kat's one-word meditations.