Miss Lady has a thing she likes to refer to as 'the swirl' - the circular mental manipulations that we put ourselves through, the contortions and interweavings of stories and histories and interpretations that sometimes seem to swamp our thinking and lead to little more than a heightened intensity of muffin-top gazing. There's a negative connotation to it - its self-obsession, disempowering focus, resulting muddied waters.
But I'm not sure that's the whole story. I think, sometimes, the swirl can be revealing in and of itself. It can shine light in dusty corners. Like pulling everything out of a cupboard before cleaning, the swirl is a necessary stage to go through. It's the TSP cleaning on a wall that's being prepped for brand new paint. And like that pre-work, the work that follows tend to go smoother and end with much better results.
So I'm minimizing my online time this weekend. Making notes of the swirl. Sketching and thinking and walking and writing. And getting it all out where I can see what can be let go of, what's garbage that doesn't serve me, and what I can hold on to that enriches my life or simply makes me smile. I am creating a lot of change in my life this Spring, and along the way it's been useful for me to stop and take stock of the beliefs and stories I want to pack to bring along on my new adventures.
Yes, it's self-involved. But the swirl is also useful and cleansing and preparatory for great new things. And I'd suggest that at times it can even be beautiful.